


The Tale of Marshal Commander Stabby

by Bookboy



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Stabby the autocleaner, chatfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:08:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24546664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bookboy/pseuds/Bookboy
Summary: You will respect Marshal Commander Stabby's authoritahDirectly inspired by this: https://imgur.com/gallery/mHcmj
Comments: 49
Kudos: 215
Collections: Fun/Humour/Crack in a Galaxy Far Far Away





	1. Chapter 1

_ KoteKamellion: REX _

_ KoteKamellion: EXPLAIN THIS _

_ KoteKamellion:  _ [34f73hdh.vf]

_ 0FoxGiven: What the kriff _

_ BlyintheSky: IS THAT AN AUTOCLEANER WITH A VIBROBLADE STRAPPED TO IT _

_ GreeEggsAndHam: Forget that IS IT WEARING 501st COLORS??? _

_ Rexasaur: Ah I see you met LT Stabby _

_ KoteKamellion: WHY DOES IT HAVE A RANK _

_ Rexasaur: Because it managed to get Kix. I don’t make the rules Cody I just abide by them _

_ 0FoxGiven: Back the tank up. What the haran am I witnessing here _

_ Howler: Oh ha I’ve seen that autocleaner before _

_ Howler: Apparently some dikut’e in the 501st decided to entertain themselves by “upgrading” one of their resident autocleaners and named it Stabby _

_ Howler: Found out after it “got” Comet that they assign it the rank of the highest ranked individual it’s stabbed. Comet accidentally promoted Stabby to Sargent _

_ Rexasaur: Hey you show my officer some respect. It’s LIEUTENANT Stabby these days _

_ KoteKamellion: Rex. An autocleaner is not part of your staff.  _

_ Rexasaur: LT Stabby is an integral member of my staff and I am not speaking to you until you apologize.  _

_ BlyintheSky: What’s Lt Stabby’s primary duties?  _

_ Rexasaur: Lt Stabby is my Situational Awareness Training Officer. I had Cmdr Tano sign the official paperwork and everything. They’re very effective at training shinies.  _

_ KoteKamellion: FFS _

_ BlyintheSky: That is perfect _

_ GreeEggsAndHam: Ha! _

_ 0FoxGiven: LMAO _

_ Howler: Outstanding. Hey Cody, how did you find out about Lt Stabby anyway? Who’d it get?  _

_ KoteKamellion:  _ [g6729ris.vf]

_ BlyintheSky: Wait _

_ BlyintheSky: I recognize that leg _

_ BlyintheSky: CODY DID STABBY GET YOU _

_ GreeEggsAndHam: NO WAY _

_ 0FoxGiven: LAMOOOOO _

_ Howler: Wait does that mean...?  _

_ Rexasaur: Please keep the chatter to a minimum I am very busy with this promotion paperwork for Marshal Commander Stabby _

_ KoteKamellion: I am done. Rex come get your autocleaner.  _

_ Rexasaur: MCmdr Stabby outranks me, sir. I cannot order them to do anything.  _

_ KoteKamellion: Rex I SWEAR TO FETT I WILL DISMANTLE THIS DROID WITH THE BUSINESS END OF MY BLASTER _

_ Rexasaur: DONT YOU DARE  _

_ Howler: Kids don’t make me come back there _

_ Rexasaur: You’re not my real buir Wolffe _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will respect Marshal Commander Stabby's authoritah
> 
> Directly inspired by this: https://imgur.com/gallery/mHcmj


	2. Chapter 2

_ CMDRCODY: Hunter. I need a favor.  _

_ SGTHUNTER: What favor?  _

_ CMDRCODY: I need you to take out a target. Quietly, off the record.  _

_ SGTHUNTER: ... what are you regs up to now?  _

_ CMDRCODY: Are you in or not _

_ SGTHUNTER: Alright, alright, what’s the target _

_ CMDRCODY:  _ [34f73hdh.vf]

_ SGTHUNTER: ....is that an autocleaner with a vibroblade strapped to it _

_ CMDRCODY: Can you stab it or not _

_ SGTHUNTER: I guess. Why does it have a Marshal Commander’s insignia painted on the side?  _

_ CMDRCODY: Don’t ask.  _

_ SGTHUNTER: Alright then _

  
  
  


_ SGTHUNTER: THAT’S IT I AM NEVER DOING ANOTHER FAVOR FOR YOU EVER AGAIN _

_ SGTHUNTER: YOU REGS ARE INSANE _

_ CMDRCODY: That’s fair.  _

  
  
  


_ CC2444: General Skywalker. Please control your men.  _

_ GenSkywalker: I don’t know what you’re talking about, Commander.  _

_ CC2444: Sir. I am begging you. This is the sixth time this MONTH my personal kaf machine has “mysteriously” broken after the 501st visited the Negotiator. Enough is enough.  _

_ GenSkywalker: Neither Rex nor any of his men came anywhere near your personal kaf machine, Commander.  _

_ CC2444: I have Commander Tano ON HOLO sneaking into my quarters from the vents. She is also under your command, sir.  _

_ GenSkywalker: Ahsoka is a spirited young woman, I can’t keep track of her all the time.  _

_ CC2444: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE OVER THAT RIDICULOUS AUTOCLEANER _

_ GenSkywalker: PEACE IS NEVER AN OPTION _

_ CMDRTano: LONG LIVE MCMDR STABBY _

_ GenSkywalker: YOU TELL HIM, SNIPS _

_ CC2444: General Kenobi, please _

_ GenKenobi: I’m sorry, Commander, I’m afraid I must come down on the side of the wronged party in this case. Ordering a hit on a fellow officer is hardly becoming conduct of a man of your rank.  _

_ GenKenobi: Consequences, your actions have.  _

_ CC2444: IT WAS NOT A HIT AND IT’S NOT THE WRONGED PARTY IT’S A CLEANING DROID _

_ CC2444: You know what, never mind.  _

_ CC2444: You want a war? I’ll give you a war _

_ GenSkywalker: Bring it on _


	3. Chapter 3

_ Rexiepoo: CODY LOOKIT THEY’RE SO CUTE _

_ Rexiepoo:  _ [f826475.vf]

_ Rexiepoo:  _ [7eh26d.vf]

_ Rexiepoo:  _ [g37t919.vf]

_ SoreLoser: I’m still not speaking to you, Captain.  _

_ Rexiepoo: BUT CODY LOOK AT THE HAPPINESS YOU’VE BROUGHT INTO THE GALAXY _

_ Rexiepoo: YOU’RE THEIR FAIRY GODMOTHER _

_ SoreLoser: ffs _

_ Pup: Sorry I just got back into long-comms range and I’m too lazy to go back and read everything I missed someone want to explain why Rex is spamming the chat with what looks like candid shots of two vibro-blade wielding autocleaners _

_ Pup: Last time I was here there was just the one _

_ Pup: Are they breeding now _

_ FieldsofGree: I mean, not yet _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: OMG I am all over this _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: General Secura and I have been following Stabby and Knifey’s romance like religiously _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: So apparently it all started when General Kenobi called MCmdr Stabby ‘his favorite Marshal Commander’ _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: And Cody’s fragile ego was SO wounded by this he ordered a hit on MCmdr Stabby _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: This did not go over well _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: And Cody made the mistake of enlisting someone who ratted him out immediately in hopes of leniency  _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: Clone Force 99 made it of the Resolute with minimal casualties after a daring extraction, in case you were concerned _

_ Pup: I wasn’t, but go on _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: So anyway, after that debacle, Rex and the rest of the 501st was making Cody’s life haran by karking with his kaf machine. I hear even Cmdr Tano was getting in on it _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: Even General Kenobi was refusing to come to Cody’s defense _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: So Cody reprogrammed one of the Negotiator’s auto-cleaners to target Rex, strapped a vibroblade to it, and let it loose onboard the Resolute _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: This next part someone captured on holo, but I’d have to look for the link _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: SOMEHOW, Stabby managed to intercept Cody’s hit-droid and redirect it long enough for the 501st to contain the intruder _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: Gen Skywalker then re-reprogramed it so it just follows Stabby around and the 501st renamed it Knifey _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: Rex has been recording their courtship for posterity ever since, and it’s basically the cutest case of robo-puppy love I’ve ever seen _

_ 2FoxGiven: Here’s that link  _ [deyufhwyd.hf]

_ BlyndedByTheLight: Isn’t that the best thing you’ve ever seen??? _

_ BlyndedByTheLight: Anyway, Cody’s been pouting ever since _

_ Pup: I just want all of you to know _

_ Pup: This stupid osik is what finally did General Koon in _

_ Pup: He is literally on the floor wheezing rn _

_ Pup: Literal armies of droids, Ventress, a whole-shebs ION CANNON, have failed to do what a pair of vibroblade wielding autocleaners’ melodrama have done in two seconds _

_ Pup: I am begrudgingly impressed _

_ Rexipoo: Aren’t MCmdr Stabby and Adm Knifey the best?  _

_ SoreLoser: I hate all of you.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank CommanderNexus0 for inspiring this thrilling conclusion.

**Author's Note:**

> You will respect Marshal Commander Stabby's authoritah
> 
> Directly inspired by this: https://imgur.com/gallery/mHcmj


End file.
